Three years later? Shame post!

Bitches, it's been a while. I ended up winning that biggest loser competition at work. I lost 40 lbs in three months. I got that extra inch on my dick and bedroom stamina. In the following years I gained it back. Once I got that sweet cash for winning, I stopped caring and the inch is gone again. Now I'm back in the the roly poly 260s. I peaked at 282 at one point but fortunately I am right back where I was when I started this blog. Wait. That isn't fortunate. That sucks that inch of dick I lost! Sheeeeeiiiiit...

But Philly Boy's gonna make a comeback. I'm turning thirty in May, dog. THIRTY! I ain't startin' a decade of my life all sludgy and fatigued. I gotta get this shit tight! I gotta keep up with my kids, I gotta make my old lady scream! I gotta get that inch back.

NEW RULES!

1. No more drinking calories. Soda, go fuck yourself!
2. Eat whole foods, mostly vegan.
3. Avoid white foods. Thanks, Tim Ferris.
4. Drink all of that water they got.
5. Jog every day. 
6. Push-ups, sit-ups, and body-weight squats everyday.
7. Early to bed, early to rise.
8. Bang my old lady for fitness 3 times a week at least. 

NEW GOALS

1. Get down to a size 36 waist.
2. Get the inch of my dick back. Maybe another to boot. I got a lot of pubic mound to spare.
3. Look good in size L t-shirt with pecs and shit.
4. Get my old lady off every time we bangin'. Show that Homedics massager who's boss.
5. Be able to tire my kids out instead of the other way around.
6. Be thin enough to shave my head bald. Look like Mr. Clean and shit.
7. Ass muscles all taut, booty lookin' shapely. 

Watch out 2014. I'm older and wiser. And this time it ain't for money. It's for pride. 

Phil Loses 50, Part 2. Rated R.