Twenty-Three Pounds, Yo! 246!

I stepped on the scale today and I am officially 23 pounds down. 269 to 246. Almost half way. I may have to re evaluate my goal. Maybe I should change it to 69 lbs instead of 50. Done. My goal is to lose 69 lbs.

I'll have less fat and more accessible penis length than I have had in over a decade! I'm all about the pussy! Woo!

TWENTY POUNDS YO!!!!!

Twenty-four days in, I hit the 20 lbs lost mark!!!!!!

That's right! Honestly, the way I think about my old eating habits has been one of the biggest contributors to this. I also realized when my over eating really started. When I was 16, my parents got divorced. I moved in with my mom, and I also dropped out of high school. This is something for which I have felt shame and regret in the past, but I now realize has been a boon to my individuation process (whaddup, Jung).

The grief and embarrassment of all those pressures led me to find comfort in food. A buddy of mine worked at a deli and would give me discounted prices on all of my purchases. I would buy pepperoni and cream cheese and just hold the meat stick like a dildo and dip it into the cream cheese pussy and eat the results. Delish, but atrosh.

This became my addiction, and until recently, i hadn't identified it as such. Once I did, and I accepted that part of myself, I was able to finally look rationally at my food choices. I was already a vegetarian for moral reasons, but now I was able to transcend my emotional connection to food, and focus on avoiding the things that were hurting me.

I haven't been giving myself cheat days, but I have been filling my belly to my satisfaction with the healthy stuff. I don't find myself craving unhealthy foods. And I feel more energy and will begin jogging today.

I am proud of myself. I have been on a quest for self-knowledge and understanding since my teens and it has led me through some trying times. But I feel I am becoming a well rounded person. I am starting to take care of myself mentally and  physically. I want to have energy and emotional support for my wife and kids. I also want the stamina to fuck my wife's brains out!

So 20 lbs down, and now I will start exercising to boot. My only worry is that I will have to buy an all new wardrobe. WHATEVAH!!! I'll get a new fuckin' wardrobe.

269 to 251 in 22 days.

Go eat my ass, you turds. I am dropping weight and gettin' mah dick back.

This has none what to do with muh weightloss; or WHY I HAVE SO FEW FRIENDS

Imagine a man with fifty rubber masks who grows tired of his sweaty face. He takes off the first mask, to no avail. Desperately seeking relief, he pulls off the next. And the next...

 He realizes there is a long way to go until skin will actually feel the breeze.

Conformity to an outside expectation is the mask. Each act of non-conformity is the removal of a mask. It's a glacial shift from what is expected to what is right.

Here are some of the masks I've removed in my life:

1. enjoyment of sports
2. taste in music
3. clothing
4. conversation topics
5. religious views
6. political views
7. dietary choices
8. parenting practices
9. education methods
10. birthing procedures

My face is sweating less, but how will it be to have no masks in a world of masked men. I'll be the only man to be showing my actual face.

Here are some masks I'm afraid I may have to remove:

1. parental approval
2. sitting on a toilet to poop
3. shallow relationships
4. further dietary choices
5. manners
6. gender identity
7. retirement
8. general societal acceptance 

To put it simply, my commitments to non-conformist outlooks and practices have left me with a very limited potential social circle. I am being true to that which I believe is right, and my face is less sweaty than it was. But man, it sucks to know that I'm the worst at parties. Who wants to talk to an anarcho-capitalist, vegetarian, atheist, home-birth advocating, anti-spanking, unschooling, electronic music producer who doesn't know shit about sports? The funny thing is, no one would want to talk to that guy, but that guy would have something to say to everyone!

But I still conform in some ways:

1. I drive a minivan
2. I live in a 4-bedroom house
3. I like Breaking Bad
4. I like big action blockbuster movies
5. I like deep fried things
6. I watch the super bowl every year
7. T-shirt and jeans errday

I hope i don't end up defining myself into social oblivion. I may look into any addictive tendencies that may be driving a rebellion addiction. 

28 dudes fist-bumping another = 14 pounds?

I weighed myself again at work. I'm down 14 lbs from the 1st. That's ridbickulish. I need to slow down otherwise I'll be done by late February.

Just keep eating the raw sunflower and pumpkin seeds. Some free range eggs, and mainlining hummus until I am skinny again.  Woohoo!

broke into to 250s already

I am so good at losing weight. I should do it more often.

I weighed 259 today without any of the usual weigh in deprivations. I had even drunk some water just before weighing in!

I am awesome. My dick is already looking larger. I think. I hope....

Eight pounds gone? Damn...

I must have been working HARD to maintain my obesity. I have lost 8 lbs in 7 days. I must have had a big doody built up or something when I weighed myself.

I know I won't keep it up at this rate forever, but I will be happy to get rid of some weight to make my exercise easier on mah joints!

Slap chopper has been my friend. The texture of my meals has been so satisfying. Today it was brazil nuts, mini bella mushrooms, artichokes, and olives slap-chopped to smithereens sauteed in a bit of olive oil and served in a cabbage leaf with vegenaise and green chiles. DERISHUSS!!!

Oh, and I pooped a skateboard.

First weekend

I STILL have not weighed myself yet. But I have stuck to my rules and drank a bungload of H2O.

I am really liking the food so far: Portobello mushroom lettuce wraps with green chili and vegenaise; Veggie chorizo with avocados, pumpkin seeds and cucumbers; lentil hummus; miso soup with tofu and green onion.

I got this. Now i just gotta get that exercise going so I can melt this fat off and get mah dick back!

We'll say I started at 269. Because, you know, 69, right?

Weight-loss, bitches.

Day one of re-up (or re-down?)

I couldn't get to a scale today. But I did avoid any animal products. Just nuts, water, a salad with a strange combination of toppings, and a lot of hummus. I may need to tone it down a bit because it feels like I am being stabbed in the tum-tum from the inside.

Success, but I am sleepy. Tomorrow, weigh in and report, then go shopping and get some nuts, greens, and working scale for home.

Weightloss, bitches. Day 1 = fatigue.

Three years later? Shame post!

Bitches, it's been a while. I ended up winning that biggest loser competition at work. I lost 40 lbs in three months. I got that extra inch on my dick and bedroom stamina. In the following years I gained it back. Once I got that sweet cash for winning, I stopped caring and the inch is gone again. Now I'm back in the the roly poly 260s. I peaked at 282 at one point but fortunately I am right back where I was when I started this blog. Wait. That isn't fortunate. That sucks that inch of dick I lost! Sheeeeeiiiiit...

But Philly Boy's gonna make a comeback. I'm turning thirty in May, dog. THIRTY! I ain't startin' a decade of my life all sludgy and fatigued. I gotta get this shit tight! I gotta keep up with my kids, I gotta make my old lady scream! I gotta get that inch back.

NEW RULES!

1. No more drinking calories. Soda, go fuck yourself!
2. Eat whole foods, mostly vegan.
3. Avoid white foods. Thanks, Tim Ferris.
4. Drink all of that water they got.
5. Jog every day. 
6. Push-ups, sit-ups, and body-weight squats everyday.
7. Early to bed, early to rise.
8. Bang my old lady for fitness 3 times a week at least. 

NEW GOALS

1. Get down to a size 36 waist.
2. Get the inch of my dick back. Maybe another to boot. I got a lot of pubic mound to spare.
3. Look good in size L t-shirt with pecs and shit.
4. Get my old lady off every time we bangin'. Show that Homedics massager who's boss.
5. Be able to tire my kids out instead of the other way around.
6. Be thin enough to shave my head bald. Look like Mr. Clean and shit.
7. Ass muscles all taut, booty lookin' shapely. 

Watch out 2014. I'm older and wiser. And this time it ain't for money. It's for pride. 

Phil Loses 50, Part 2. Rated R.